While anger is a valid emotion and natural to feel, when anger takes over and we lose control this can lead to challenges in our personal and professional lives, impacting our emotional wellbeing. However, there are techniques to manage our anger so that we can feel in control of our emotions. Anger management strategies can be extremely helpful in managing and reducing feelings of anger. Anger management strategies include learning how to recognize what anger looks like in ourselves, how to reduce feelings of anger, stepping back and reflecting on our anger before acting on it, understanding the triggers that cause us to feel angry, and how to utilize anger in healthy ways.
In order to learn all of these strategies, we must first understand the symptoms of anger, so that we know when we are truly experiencing anger.
So what are the signs and symptoms to look for?
- Feelings of nausea
- Hot/cold flashes
- Feelings of rage
- Feelings of sadness or hurt
- Feelings of anxiety or fear
- Feeling threatened
- An urge to frighten another person
- An urge to make loud noises
- Faster heart rate
- Increased breathing
- Tension in your body
- Difficulty sitting still
- Urge to hit or break something
- Clenching teeth, jaw, or fists
Start to notice when you have these symptoms. What is happening around you? What are you thinking about? Recognizing these symptoms is the first step to understanding your anger. Upon understanding your anger you can then learn to identify triggers to your anger and how to cope in those situations.
Once you have started to recognise what is causing your anger, you can start to deal with it to avoid expressing anger through yelling, expletives, or aggressive behaviors can lead to negative consequences. It’s important we find ways to share our anger with others in ways that allow the other to hear and understand us.
Calmly Share Your Feelings
It’s natural to feel anger in various situations. Rather than confront someone without warning, leading to defensive, request a time to speak. Share clearly what the situation was that upset you. Focus on how you felt in the moment, how you perceived the situation, rather than telling the other person what they did wrong or what they could have done instead. We’ve all heard that we should use “I” statements and this is true, as it reduces defensiveness because you are focusing on your experience and seeking clarification from the other person.
Focus on Specifics
Aim to focus on the specific situation that caused you to feel upset, as well and avoid accusing the other person. Again this goes back to “I” statements. Share the feelings you had in a particular situation, avoid blaming the other person. Be clear on what specifically upset you and why.
Defensiveness can lead to arguing. When you share your feelings in a situation avoid blaming the other person or trying to tell them what they did wrong. Try not to criticize or tell the other person what they did wrong, as this will lead to the other person feeling hurt and reacting negatively. Don’t force the other person to respond in the way you want. This won’t feel genuine and will lead to more resentment.
When upset, often this signals there is something wrong that we need to resolve. That means you’ll need to work collectively with the other person to find a solution. This also means if you are both upset, finding a specific time to speak when you have both calmed down and can hear one another out fully. Aim for a time you both feel comfortable with, in a setting both of you feel calm and safe in.
Anger is a valid and natural emotion. However, holding onto this anger can lead to resentment and further negative emotions. Being able to clear the air and resolve situations evoking anger are crucial to moving forward and improving health and wellness.
It’s also important to seek support. A therapist helps you challenge your thoughts, and talk therapies like CBT can teach your mind new ways of thinking that don’t trigger your fear response.
Start living a happier, calm and peaceful life.
One that you are in control of.
If you’re looking for discreet counselling services in Liverpool or Chester, call us for a FREE 20-minute chat to see how we can help you:
Beautiful Minds-Talking Therapy
Liverpool Clinic: 88 Rodney Street, Liverpool. L1 9AR
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